Author's note: Many of the posts contained within this blog are personal memoirs. They are mine. They are real. I wrote them as I experienced them. If any story is at all fictional or needs to be attributed to someone else, I will state that firmly in the first paragraph.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Dynamics of Dating 1020

Having received mixed reviews on Dynamics of Dating 1010, I have decided to allow a female guest lecturer to offer a counterpoint in this post, Dynamics of Dating 1020. I am a man who prides himself on being open to all walks of life and opinions, even if they differ from my own. So, please enjoy the second course within the Dynamics of Dating:

Today we're going to learn about dating... from the valuable perspective of a female. I know if you're a devoted follower of my friend Dallin's blog you've read one of his recent posts entitled "Dynamics of Dating 1010." Men applauded it, women scorned it. You see, I don't believe a word of what he's written.

First, before we jump into things I feel you need to know a bit about me...even if my identity is to remain ambiguous. 
I am a fan of the Potter...Harry Potter. 
Gone with the Wind has to be one of my favorite things ever created on this earth. Book/Movie...it's a classic either way...and it was sent to us from above.
Jesus is a friend of mine (please watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8).
I've always wanted to go to London.
I've fallen off a treadmill...more than once.
And, finally I'm the last child in my family. Don't judge me. Contrary to popular belief, literature, and pop culture classics the last child is not always selfish. I swear.

So, dating. I feel I'm qualified to instruct the masses because of my own forays into the dating world. Also, I've spent a fair amount of my life observing people. Once upon a time I was a waitress, and worked at a video store, and worked everywhere I possibly could. As such, I've spent a fair amount of my short life people-watching. It's time to share that knowledge. After you've had the chance to observe people's eating and movie watching habits, you can ascertain A LOT about their personal relationships. 

My friend Dallin believes that females don't know their mind. Sadly, he's mistaken. Granted he's right about most things...like the fact that I never should have talked to that boy in the bookstore (MISTAKE), or that I thought Oceanography was going to be a hard class (it most certaintly wasn't), or the fact that I should pursue a certain male (he was right, I should).
BUT, he was wrong that women don't know their mind.
Women know their mind. The thing is, we don't want to scare males away. Men are like Bambi. Yes, Bambi.

I know what you're thinking; men are not at all like Disney woodland creatures. But, they are. Great lashes and afraid of sudden movements - welcome to the male sex. If we told you what we wanted, you would retreat into the great woods and we would LOSE out on a possible catch. So, we have to lure you in. Essentially, we want to seem easy going. Ask us what we want, and we will turn it right back on you. We're trying to cater to your needs and as such we attempt to be compatible. Girls are constantly trying to read your movements. Like a hunter, we carefully observe our prey and attempt to get to know their eating or sleeping habits before we trap them into our clutches. Men, you've had this happen to you before. You've been drawn in by a girl only to later discover she's all sorts of crazy. This crazy surprises you. You never saw it coming, right? The thing is the crazy was always there. Girls are just masters of disguising the crazy. So men, I warn you. Girls know what they want. They want you, but be careful. You might get shot. 

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