On the Origin of Fairies

The forest is a mysterious place. Why, you may ask? Because there are creatures there with which we are not well acquainted. Squirrels, flying squirrels, bats, flying bats, and fairies. Some of you have never seen a fairy, which is fine; I admit that I have never seen a flying squirrel. I will also admit that I've had my doubts about whether or not flying squirrels really exist, but legitimate heresay has convinced me. As for fairies, the evidence has been mounting for centuries. Really, need we deny the many stories and pictures created by our forebears? I would argue for naught, not, knot, and ought not. Obviously nought.
Anywho, many have argued against the existence of the fairy due to her changing form. As a self-certified biological etymologist, I would argue that this is simply another example of evolution. Through the process of natural selection, fairies have undergone an amazing amount of change (thus the nickname "changeling") over the past millenium. In Darwin's On the Origin of Species, there's an entire chapter devoted to fairies. Da Vinci helped him pen the whole thing ambidextrously in invisible ink.
Over the years, months, and moons, fairies have taken many forms. Their evolutionary trajectory has been an intriguing one; from the tall woodland folks as represented in The Lord of the Rings under the pseudonym elves, to the winged thumbelina-type fairies as represented by Julia Roberts in Hook. Of course, these are simply contemporary representations as presented by the media in order to give you an idea. Fairies, scientifically known as Homo faeriensis, did indeed start off not much different from ourselves, but their tendencies toward tree hugging and pacifism didn't coincide well with their Homo sapien neighbors. Pacifist tree huggers are only good at one thing in the face of healthy human violence: dying. Fairies (archaic form: fays) have had to adapt. Today only the smallest and most agile fairies have persisted in the form of miniature hotties with butterfly wings.
Some people confuse our stylish and less-than-masculine brethren as fairies, but in actuality they are not members of the species Homo faeriensis, but are members of a completely different genus: Metro sexualis. Confusion first arose here thanks to Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Ha, as if Shakespeare knew anything about fairies or etymology! I'm glad we've straightened all of that out (pun intended?).
You've seen the evidence for fairies yourself. What are those weird noises when you're out camping? That's a fairy yelling at you to stop letting your dog take a shit in her yard. Where are your keys? Or your pen? Or your niece? Fairies took them, dude (or dudette). Don't let pessimistic Communists convince you that you're stupid enough to misplace anything. This notion is false. We modern humans (aka Americans) are far too smart to make such petty mistakes. Communist propaganda must be ignored. Nuclear fallout my ass.